between

Between Days: Finding clarity when nothing is clear

Today is the day between, between celebrating my youngest daughter’s life and celebrating my own. I’ve already picked my hammock spot for tomorrow, a nice shady spot on the lawn. I have lovely books at my fingertips. After a breakfast date with the Hunky and before dinner which I will neither plan nor cook (the best kind), will be hours of hammock reading.  

We’re on the cusp of summer here. We start the morning with windows open, but close them before lunch, and by evening are grateful for air conditioning to ease us into sleep.  I had hoped for things to happen this summer which no longer look likely. So now I’m wondering what I will do while my kids work, and I wait for whatever happens next.

More between space.

Today, life is fairly busy. Preparing to speak, writing, reading, teaching, coaching, planning. This month is filled to bursting, and I am deftly managing and arranging to accommodate all the pieces. It’s a good kind of busy, much of it right in my sweet spot, and things which aren’t are made more pleasant because they are for those whom I dearly love.

But I’m also looking forward to things winding down.  I can’t maintain this pace forever without becoming snarled and mean.  My personality generally requires more space than it has now, and eventually, the bill will come due for the energy I’m expending now.  Tomorrow’s lazy celebration will be a welcome oasis in the middle of this manic swirl.

But today I’m waiting and wondering, what will I do with this abruptly unplanned summer?  I already know I don’t want to fill the days with mindless busyness or too many social expectations. ( This is Introvert Level 10 code for: Can I not see anyone all summer long?) How can I spend days mindfully and well, while also continuing to care for this soul which is still feeling tender and new?

Recently I’ve been spending time with breathing meditation, quiet, empty, focused.  It’s definitely making a difference in my balance during the busy days.  I’m considering making this summer an extended breathing meditation. A quiet, empty, focused space, a space between, tucked gently inside a busy season and the season of what’s-coming-next.  Perhaps a pause for deep breathing is exactly what this anxious heart needs more than anything else.

 

(Zen Habits’ 44 training challenge arrived just in time for my own turning 44. You can check it out here.)

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