change

Waiting on the wind to change

I met an old friend at the post office today. She is moving soon and was eager to tell me the news. While I tamped down my jealousy, we shared moving tips and ideas. She talked about her basement, and told her the best place to unload her stuff in town. we discussed packing and purging, two of my favorite things to do. I’m excited for her that everything feels like a whirlwind of change and newness. The smile on her face was absolutely contagious.

I’ve experienced change in the whirlwind fashion before. It’s equal parts exciting and terrifying, and often leaves you gasping for breath the same way running a hard mile will do. Given a choice I will always choose the rapid pace over the slower one, at least where big change is concerned. Right now, however, I clearly don’t have a choice. We’re on the slow train to change and there is no speeding this process along until the moment the pieces fall in to place. This month? Probably not. This year? Who can say.

Limbo, limbo, limbo.

Meanwhile we’re doing the things rooted people do: meal planning and school enrolling. We’re looking ahead while letting go, acknowledging the ends of seasons in healthy ways. I’m grateful for this. Grateful for the natural turning of time rather than the unexpected emptiness when the rug is yanked out from under you.

But gratitude doesn’t change the fact that I’ve got bag to haul to Goodwill in the back of my car.

We’re being stripped, right now. Down to the bare bones, the essential elements, carrying only the most essential parts of our soul – the ones we cannot give away and still remain ourselves. There’s a vulnerability and a rawness to this process. It’s damn near excruciating most days. Other times it’s wrapped around with golden threads of anticipation. Even when you don’t know what’s next. something is…something is.

So I sink my roots in portable things, routines and digital words, pictures grabbing moments and memories as they happen, in case tomorrow changes everything.

Because it could. It could for any one of us.

3 thoughts on “Waiting on the wind to change”

  1. Why do our lives follow such similar courses? You know how long we’ve been trying to sort this house move right? And the whole spiritual stripping . . . I’ve been looking at church websites today for after we move and one by one they were crossed off our list because “I cannot sit with that issue so high in their membership statement” or “I cannot make that statement anymore, I no longer believe that and according to their statement of faith that means I wouldn’t fit” and so on. We think we’ve found one that will work though, but that’s many weeks or months down the line.

    1. I have my negotiables and my non-negotiables. Everytime we look somewhere when a non-negotiable comes up I just yell a big old NOPE. I still love change though, even when its hard.

  2. Exactly! I said to Andrew that of course there are going to be things I don’t like or feel quite comfortable with wherever we end up BUT there are those things I know I cannot live with.

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